understanding family relationships

This class for me has been eye-opening, it has helped me grow in a way I didn’t know was possible. it has made me feel more comfortable with my family and their problems and has made me feel at ease. I have felt that this class needs to be a foundation class, it has shown me so much and has taught me about becoming more of an adult and what it means to become one. It has shown me that, we are all just trying to grow and become better as humans every day. I have become less insecure with my friends and I have noticed me not overthink things as much. because I now know that our brain naturally does that and we just have to reason with ourselves. I learned I don’t have to like everyone. I have also learned that being nice, doesn’t mean that I don’t have the right to not like someone. I learned how to effectively communicate when I am frustrated without being passive aggressive and using my voice to talk out what I am frustrated at in an adult way. I learned what it means to listen and actually listen and take into account what the person is saying. My roommate and my old FHE brothers deiced after my last ER visit that they were going to take my diet coke and told me I wasn’t allowed to drink it. I stayed calm and used the effective communication that we learned in class and I learned from this better stress management techniques. This class has helped me grow as a person. this last week in class we talked about blending families. it was interesting to listen to. Blending a family is hard and is more common then we think. we talked about the many factors that contribute to blending families. There is discipline, having all kids feel equal and loved when the two parents decide to have a kid of there own. we talked about how to remedy these concerns, it involves a lot of talking and understanding. My teacher told us his story about this, it was a sweet story of understanding and respect. He did do something that I have never seen from one of my professors he cried for me this was a moment I will never forget. He showed us it’s ok to have this emotion and to show it and it doesn’t matter where you are. seeing it makes me want to try harder in the class because you know he actually knows and has experienced everything he talks about. that moment you could see why he does what he does and why he was chosen to teach that class. My grandparents did divorce when my mom was young soi have always have had 3 sets of grandparents. I have not liked to go to my mom’s dad house, I felt that I am not as close with them, I have always wonder why this is. I thought maybe it was because they have grandkids that are all theirs so they prefer them. But in listening to the lesson it could be not willing to be as open and kind with them as I could be. and maybe this feeling with them is because I have not allowed them to get close with me. This class has given me the tools to see this. Not only with this but with many things. This class is something that needs to be required because I feel it gets all young adults comfortable not matters what stage of life you are at.

 This week we talked about parenting.  We talked about the many different parenting styles. Depending on the parent in my house you got a different parenting style and approach on parenting.  My dad was more in the moment parent I guess you could call it. My mom was think about what effect it would have on our future. On example is my diet coke habit my mom really tried to make sure that I didn’t ever get addicted to it and tried hard to make sure as we grew that we never drank it when it was in the house. My dad however, let us he always said just don’t go overboard with it on how much you are drinking of it.  That how my parents do there parenting over the years they have adapt to one another’s, so it is less opposite form on another, They have over the years I have observe that with each kid they have a different approach, with my oldest brother they were a little too loose goose with him, with me they naturally build trust so they never really had to have rules because me and them had more of an understand, my youngest brother he got more rules like a curfew, where he can take the car, etc.  the example of parenting my parents have set I do strive to have the same understanding with my own kids like they had with me. In class we talked about different consequences the natural ones and the ones you get from your parents we also talked about rewards. We talked about how natural consequences are so important for children it is one thing to have mom say don’t eat all that candy you’ll get sick, but if the kid does get sick e knows that what mom said was true because of natural consequences. So, it is so important to let children have those moments.  We then talked about logical consequences these are ones to fit with what the child did.  Like if they are going to post appropriate things on Facebook then they get Facebook taken away.  We talked about how bad parenting habits can be a cycle.  But kids can also change these bad patterns too.  We talked about then about active parenting and how important and a great process this can be. Building a relationship with your child of trust and understanding but also having them know that you are in charge for their wellbeing. We also talked about this in a gospel perspective sense.  Teaching children about the gospel and having children grow up in the gospel can help guide your children and help them learn about proper social skills, help children build confidence. We talked about how heavenly father sends his children to learn and grow and to teach each other no matter what age.  We talked about how being a parent is also one thing that is in the commandments of god.  I feel blessed to have the parents I have and how they parent. I hope one day to be a parent and to have the joys and trails of parenthood. Working at the school the little kids have taught me so much about love everyone and how to included everyone, I think that it all boils down to teaching children how to love, respect, care for everyone so that they can grow up to be successful adults. That is what parenting is all about helping children grow. And then they help their children grow.

Father involvement is so important to a child wellbeing. A father involvement leads to a child development healthy and happy.  A father also help’s girls in have respectful and happy relationships with men.  It help’s boys understand how to create and find a place in the world. It also help’s children with their Emotional and social commitment. Having a father present helps the children learn how to have Emotional and social commitment. A father also brings financial security in some homes. Having this gives children a sense of Security, this makes them happier well-rounded children that grow to have proper emotional regulation.  They also felt more socially accepted.  Fathers are such an important part of a child overall wellbeing.

My dad is one that is interesting everyone tells me how easy going and nice he is. I lucked out, he is always willing to help and is always there when I need him. He was the best dad growing up he played so well. He always helps never judges but will give his input. We used to when I was little hid with him and my brother in the pantry and wait for mom to get home to scare her. We would spend hours in there just messing around and playing games. Because of how my dad is and how he handles things I have found I am a lot like him. I am easy going I don’t complain, but I also don’t express emotion every well I have more then my dad but because he is not big on this and my mom does a little, I don’t like emotion, just like him. But he has also show me how to work hard for what you want and keep trying no matter what.   While dad helped us learn all of this so did my mom. My mother has shown me that a mom is so important she listens helps and gives direction even if we don’t like the direction she was giving. She also shows me how to be kind, gentle and think things out logically. So while this blog post is about dad I have to give my mom so credit in the growing up process of me which I am still growing up a little

In my future home I want the dad to play an active role like mine did. Be able to play have teach our children important lessons, but also teach them how important commitment is and how important it is to be a hard-worker. I want him to be able to bend and to be able to learn and grow as we go through mortal life together.  I want a husband that does make mistakes, so that he can show our children how to get up for it and learn for his mistakes. Last, I just want a husband that will love me for me and help me grow and I do the same for him.

This week we talked about conflict resolution.  We talked about how to have effective communication between husbands and wives, brothers and sisters, roommates even at school.   We talked about steps to take to get along, one of them was the disarming technique. This technique is used when frustrated or angry, putting down the harmful words and phrases, and how we talk and just listen and try to understand the other person. I loved this I found this quite good. The next one was empathy and what that truly means to have empathy for a person. We talked about thought empathy and feeling Empathy.  Though feeling is restating how the other person words, Feeling Empathy this is the acknowledge of how the person is feeling based on what they said. The next thing is the I Feel Statement. This statment is saying how you feel but with proper words. The person tries finding something positive to say, show a sign of respect to the other person. He then went on to talk about how it is also praying and receiving answers. I have a hard time with this, I hear that if I find an answer to this problem by praying or I know what to do because I prayed about it. I feel like on of the young adults that aren’t understanding, how to.  It seems everyone understands this but me.  A couple weeks ago I needed a blessing so my roommate got our old fhe brothers. I felt something, I cant describe the happiness and peace for that moment it was calming feeling.  This moment has been in my head snice. So when I am angry or frustrated I think about that calming feeling and it helps me do the effective commutation steps.  I am still working on getting it down to the point that I use it ever time but right now I use it about 50 percent of the time. My roommates have started using it to, some of use have a hard time communicating with one another so using the steps helps us to communicate better with one another when we are frustrated.   I have learned many things about myself this semester about how I act when I am angry or frustrated I have learned when I need to express’s what I am feeling my roommate I have lived with before have grown closer with this semester we have learned more about each other, we have learned when the other one has had a bad day or when one of us is off.  I have learned that you do not have to like everyone, but you do have to respect that they are human beings and give them that.  I have learned what sets me off and before it gets the chance I get up and leave. I have one roommate who rubs me the wrong way. I have learned that one we grew up different her parents are much different then mine. Two we just have different ways of approaching everything. We are just different in every way.  Because I understand what and why she makes me angry I can take steps to stop myself form being mean or hurtful with my comments. I have learned practice with her that I did not have before. My roommate says it because I am not drinking as much caffeine. I think it is because I am learning how to now not let her bug me as much. I learned that sometimes it you that needs to change not the other person because sometimes the other person does not know how to change. ffff

              This week in class we talked about family stresses and crisis and what and how these effect families. We talked about how some family  crisis brings family closer together and some cause rifts. We talked about how little things in a crisis can cause big rifts, Simple things such as commutation issues, decision making without certain people there. There are so many more the circumstances can make it better or worse. We talked about how in the LDS culture when something happens to a family everyone gathers around them to help. In our family we don’t really get closer when bad things happen we simple just deal with the issue. In class we talked about family dynamics systems plays a role when family have things happen. Going up to school you gain a family with your roommates.  I know we read about coping striges, one of my biggest one is my diet coke habit.  I love my deit coke if I am worried, stressed or need to do homework I will get a diet coke. Because of recent events I decied that I needed to change this habit. So my roommate has held me accountable and so has my old FHE brother.  It has only be 3 days and I have not enjoyed it. I miss my diet coke so much, but I am trying out new coping stragies.  I have learned that I go to the immediate comfort and that is my deit coke.  I have now started having a bath when I think I am over stressed. I have also am starting to recognize that certain things cause me stress one thing is this blog post and getting it done on time. So I do it a day or so in advance then it is done and I don’t have to worry about it later. Another thing is our apartment kitchen and making sure that I pitch in and help. So me just emptying the dish washer at least once and week has helped that feeling. When I am home we all have are different ways of coping with things. My mom takes baths, My dad drinks deit coke, and my little bother plays his phone. We all have are different ways of dealing with stress. As a family when it is something that stresses us all out, we just do what needs to get done.  The only major thing that has happen in our house was when my 16 year old brother had his daughter but, we  as kids adjusted and did what we had to do so that mom and dad could help my brother.  But it made it that I got to show my parents my ability to have reasonability and show them that I was growing up so they gain more trust in me.  As an adult know I am still learning how do deal with my stress and frustration but, this might be something that all humans work on through out life. Because there will always be that thing that drives you nuts.  I am working on how to love a roommate even if I get frustrated at, sometimes it takes a bath, or a nap. In taking this class it all goes back to how we care and take care of each other. People are all different we just have to learn to get along in our different ways.

              This week we talked about sexual intimacy in marriage. We talked how important it is to have a healthy sexual life with you partner.  We talked about this indication of overall how the marriage is going. We then talked about something for me that got me thinking. Growing up my 16 year old brother got a girl pregnant. Growing up where I did there was judgement, this for made  me feel that our family would always be known as the family with the kid that got a girl pregnant at  16 . My brother then went crazy and my parent were forced to either take care of my niece part of the week. I was 14, I felt like my brother didn’t understand what he did.  While she is one of the best things in our family. I still wish that it didn’t happen, I felt that all the attention that I should have gotten disappeared when it happened and I was left to do what I had to do without as much help as I would have gotten if it wasn’t for my brother. My parents made time for me and my younger brother, but it always felt like they had other things on their mind My niece doesn’t live with us anymore during the week she now lives with her mom. My little brother ward is very popularly with the adults in our ward and when you asked about the Adam family you will hear all about  the 17 year old and what a great kid he is. Seeing my older brother do what he did it made me promised myself I would wait and have kids until it was at the right time. Just like marriage sexual intimacy needs to be a sacred thing. We talked about how kids learn about sexual intimacy.  There are friends you learn it form, the maturation you learn in school.  For me I started early so my mom sat me down and we had the talk.  But things have gotten even more complicated since my days. Kids have to worry about different types of gender, Like transgender, homosexuality, and the list goes on. We live in a time were we have to be super sensitive and teach our kids to be the same way.  While I feel for those does this make the kids that are confused not as important because they have it figure out? We then discussed how important it is to have the talk with your children then you control what they know and can make it appropriate for them. All children should know about sexual intimacy to they can know when something is not right and so they know they need to say something. We also discussed that sometimes people will have the history of intimacy already in marriage. Even if they don’t know the history and they can be wonderful partners.  It all about finding a partner that can be successful and you both know that you love each other and want to spend your lives together.  I can only hope that one day I will get the experience of marriage and have someone that I love for who they are and that they will love me for who I am.  This class has taught me so many things I love learning new things every week 5.5.

This week we talked about pre-marriage stressors, dating, marriage proposals and how various things affect a couple’s marriage. We talked about how important it is to have a strong foundation with marriage just like with a house that needs a strong base, so does a marriage. We talked about how having the conversations about expectations that occur within a marriage like money, how to handle discipline with children, even sexual relations between man and women need to be talked about.  Having these conversations makes it so that husband and wife have a better understanding of each other’s roles. We talked about how most engaged couples don’t talk about these things and say we will wait until later when we are actually married.  This can be fine but doing this can lead to conflict. Some couples want to get married just to say and show “Oh we got married.” We talked about the difference in how people decide to get married. We talked about how baby boomers and older had the typical proposal, where the girl did not know it was coming and if they did the couples do say it out loud.  Now days most couples talk about it first so that the girl knows it is coming. This is super common here at BYU-I.  It happens all the time you meet a boy 8 to 10 months later she has a ring. Sometimes it is sooner than that. This has happened so often. I had a roommate who meet her husband at the beginning of our 3-month semester and had a ring about a month after the semester ended.  This is not uncommon. It’s a dream every girl wants a boy or man to come and take you to your happily ever after. For me there is none in sight.  This is fine with me; I have a plan and if a man comes along, I will happily get married, but it is not my first plan of action. Growing up in Kaysville, I always felt behind in this department because all of the girls my age have a husband. I feel that all women should not be asked every time where you are at with the boy department.  Some go at a different speed or haven’t meet the right one yet.  Towards the end of class, we talked about the benefits and negatives of both types of dating and the approach of how to ask someone to marry. Our teacher believed in the traditional way, we enjoyed hearing his story of how he proposed to his wife.  For us, growing up in a different time we have a different way of going about the act of a marriage proposal.  I don’t know if one way is better then the other. But we all have our different ways of finding a wife or a husband.  I have learned so much during that class period then I have in a while I walked out of there with a sense of relief. I learned during that class period that we are all on our own path. And there is not one path for everyone. Taking this class, I feel that everyone should have to take it just to learn the skill of understanding others.  We are so quick to judge but we don’t detail. Like the girl on campus who is where something that you find revolting. Maybe that is her only dress, or maybe her grandma made it and she likes where to feel closer to her grandma. And when we judge others then we think that others are judging us. fffffffffffff

This week in class we talked about Gender Equality and Homosexuality. The first day we talked about Gender equality. It made me think about the movie daddy day care and how in one part of the movie this lady was checking in her kid and two moms said, are you actually putting you kid in here. In response she said, yes can’t women do what men do and men do what women do. This statement made me giggle. We then talked about how in stores there are roles that are meant for girls and roles that are meant for boys as they say. That how the company’s get their toys sold. We talked about how most family have typical gender behaviors. An example of typical gender behaviors is when a boy plays with a car and a girl plays with makeup. We talked about typical differences between boys and girls. Girls are better at communication and are more empathic. We talked about how boys are more aggressive, and some boys can be competitive. This is also like having a typical mom and dad, in a typical family serrao, the dad is the protector of the family and the mom is the one that takes care of the kids. She is more of the nurture for the kids. There are other types of family situations similar to this like, having two moms or two dads. We talked about what make a non-typical gender behavior it can be caused by trauma it can be when a child is young, or it can be at adult age it doesn’t matter.  That causes people to be attracted to the opposite sex.  There can be other factors too. It can be that they have some mental problems and they are not comfortable with there body. So, they believe that changing into the other sex or having a relationship with the same sex will help this. While we were talking, I felt that this is were we are at in the world.  People are changing who they are attracted and what gender they want to be.  This is a trend that is getting more popular. There is a boy in my ward back home who decided to change his gender, he is my age. When I grew up with hem we went to the same school. After high school he decided he wanted to be a girl. He is now in a relationship with a boy. At this point in my life, I am at in life. I can see how hard it could be to figure out what to do with life.  A person might feel as though they are compared to other their age. I have issues with this every day. I feel I do not live up to what I am suppose too. I can see what young adults are having and wanted to change gender or are attracted to the same sex, and how this can be a way to deal with these feelings. I had a bishop who I went in crying because I was having a hard time with classes and doing the work. I was feeling that I was not smart enough. He told me something that has stuck with me through my college education. He said that if you do not feel you are understanding things, try harder, ask question, because even trying a little harder you will know you tried you hardest. People are having these feelings and our trying every possible way to get relief. While my experience is nothing compared to others.  This could be one of the reasons we are seeing change like we are seeing with the family.  People are just trying to figure out who they are. That is what we learned in class I am amazed what you can learn in this class. i

This week in class we talked about social class and cultural diversity.  We talked about who, how and way people end up low in the social class and how most people do not get out of it do to these factors. One there is just one parent in the home. This makes it hard and they only have a dead-end job. Another factor is that they did not receive an education. This makes it so that they can only get a dead-end job.  It can also be the way and where they grew up. They don’t know their options of what resources are available to them. Another factor is that they got pregnant at a really young age. Having a child as a teenager is hard and unless parents can step in and help, or the baby get put for adoption.  This is not saying that some do not have success. But things do get hard when you have a kid. These factors cause them to stay were they are at. While we were discussing this it makes me feel lucky that I grew up were I did and that I do get the opportunity to go to school and receive an education since some people don’t get one. We also talked about how traditions are inherited patterns. We talked about how some foster good family habits and some foster not so good family habits. In my family when we talked about this it made me think of my family and how there are some habits that we should change. But changing family habits is hard. I asked a roommate what one family habit is she would like to change, she said that she would love that when her family gets home from doing something together that everyone would not sperate and go in there separate areas when they get home from there activity.  The next thing we discussed was about people going to America, but we talked about how hard it is form some to do this. It made me think about an FHE brother and how he came here for Mexico. I thought of how it was for him even if it was a couple of years ago. Of course, his way of coming is not as hard or trauma like some. There are factors that make it hard with immigration. One is that they do not get to see their families. With technology they can call and hear their families but physically they do not get to see them and that can be hard.  This creates some differences when they see each other. In my family my dad has to work in Texas. He only gets to come home once a month and for a week. We are a close family, but it has it effects but we still have a good relationship. While this is not as bad as immigrants. it makes me feel for them since I have experienced being away from my family.  In knowing this would we not all want to start to be a little kinder or nicer to everyone. You never know what someone is going through. This week I have also learned how to change family habits that I might not like. This week I have also learned why I don’t get along with my certain roommate. We both have different dad experiences. Mine is nurturing and trying to support in anything that I want to do. Her dad is mean, and she doesn’t have a good relationship. It makes me have an easier time dealing with her.

This week we learned about different family dynamic systems. We talked about how different families have certain rules and roles specific to that family. These rules and roles are only found in that family,, however, all families have them.  I asked my roommate if her family had any rules that they have learned to follow one of them was that she talked and call adults by there the last name like for example “Mrs. Andrews”.  I found this interesting then we were told to watch a show with a family in it and watch for the rules and roles, and how in a family different people have different roles. Different kids made different comments about the black sheep of a family or sibling order. Individual talked about how sometimes the oldest child becomes like a second mom, or the middle child can sometimes be the one that makes everyone happier and in a better mood and makes the family laugh.  at my house, we all have a role. I feel my role is the one that makes everyone laugh just by me myself.  My oldest brother is the one that is the most different and has the most experience being an adult without help. My little brother is the child that can complete any task just by looking at how to do it. Out of all of the children, he is the most school wired. All of us kids have our strengths and weaknesses. I feel we get put in a family for a reason. Heavenly father knows what type of family members we need to have in our life on earth to have an easier time or for them to help us learn life lessons. We learned that may be a reason you don’t get along with a roommate is that you each have very different rules this causes roommates to buttheads. In class, we also talked about how to break family rules that we may not necessarily like. How we can try to have a positive attitude when we try and change a rule or a habit in a family. He talked about a man who didn’t like how his family members would complain about each other but not talk to the person directly who is bothering them. The man in the movie did it interesting when every time they started to complain he would say I don’t talk about other let’s talk about you.  This man wanted to change this habit. He used a positive way of trying to change a rule or a habit that he didn’t like. In class, we also talked about positive reaction and negative reactions. Of course, we all want a positive reaction but sometimes we get negative ones.  We, of course, want a positive reaction. but sometimes we don’t we can only control how we act and talk but not how others do.  We just need to make sure that we are expressing ourselves in a healthy positive way. Sometimes we need to look at how we are acting and change, but, it can be hard to do. But it’s important, to do every once in a while sence it can help you improve some of your bad habits. Doing this with a class can especially help to have a better attitude about class, since sometimes a class just does not sound fun. I love my family relations class more and more. It was hard at the beginning because I didn’t know if I was capable of doing a blog or making comments. While I don’t do a lot of comments the blog thing is not as bad as I thought. That is what I learned and what happens in class this week.